The Subtle Abuse

Then.......

The traditional social carpet has for centuries been used as a cover for wife beating in many parts of this society and elsewhere on the continent.  Today, wife-beating remains commonplace and seems to have become almost acceptable to most women since the woman is in fact perceived as her husband's property. Of course, in some  traditional systems, a woman’s right to speak is still being negotiated; she has no right to desire who her husband should be; she is not entitled to education; she is expected to do what her parents or husband say; she only has one right and that is the right to remain silent. In fact, she is a chartered asset and therefore not entitled to inheritance since she may herself may very well be passed on to someone else as an inheritance. And so, throughout history, women have been subjected to the whims and brutality of their husbands -- albeit, their societies.

However, besides the physical abuse, there is a more devastating form of abuse that is psychological. It is subtle and can sometimes be overlooked or downplayed by most women, but it still continues to take an enormous toll on their emotional [mental] and physical well-being. Its effects enormously outweigh the effects of physical abuse of women by their spouses. In some cases, it can be argued that physical abuse is part and parcel of psychological abuse.

Let’s take for instance, a young lady who yesterday confided in me that she was recently diagnosed with peptic ulcer because she had decided to go on a major hunger strike. She planned to eat no more than a slice of bread and a glass of milk in the morning; she would stay that way until the next day, she told me. She has denied herself her regular three-square meals per day. And this was all because her husband has embarked on an emotional abuse campaign, making fun of her latest weight increase.

“He always complains that I do not watch my intake; but I only love my fufu and dumboy with either palava sauce or palm butter. He constantly makes fun of my ‘out-of-shape’ body. He has never ceased to remind me of how desperate he is for a trophy wife or a "coca-cola bottle" shaped wife -- something to show off. He no longer wants to walk with me in the neighborhood,” she explained with deep emotions.

The couple has been married for almost eight years now. Before their union, this 28 year-old woman used to be a slim lady. But after the birth of two children, she became a bit overweight and that is not going down well with her husband. So, for over a year now, she has been battling her weight problems, with fluctuating results. He used to joke once in a while about her weight; she didn't care because back then, he did not do it so often.

Now......

“But now, it's everyday! My husband has resorted to calling me ‘Mama’; and this plays on me so badly. He goes on making fun of my legs, arms and belly. Now, he’s looking down on me because of the changes I have gone through.”

Is there any excuse for this kind of treatment? Saying things like that to your wife and hoping that by doing so, she would lose weight or something, is not the nicest thing to do. But guess what? This is only an example of some of the silent mental and emotional abuses women continue to endure in our society.

Don’t always expect it to be physical. Psychological abuse can be even more painful and devastating than physical abuse. It leaves intangible scars that hurt far deeper and remain much longer than a bruised skin or a broken bone, in some cases. If a woman has to endure so much pain only to please her partner, then we mustn’t forget to add that to the abuse list. This is a major form of abuse that most women in our society are enduring day-in, day-out. Again, while some of them may take it as a mere joke, it still has a deep-seated psychological effect on others.