NEVER Was a Gender WAR

The campaign for gender equity and equality has lately begun taking a rather ugly trend in Liberia. The very things this women’s emancipation struggle seeks to end are rather increasing sharply simply because some of the so-called campaigners in the women’s world are preaching the message wrongly. In their advocacies, they tend to place the female gender in the victim zone, painting the male gender as the “oppressor.”

Well, let it be known that these so-called women’s rights advocates are either consciously or unconsciously committing a major error in their advocacies against the various forms of discrimination against Liberian women beginning with the smallest unit of society – the family – and taken right up to the national level.  It has been established, through one-on-one interviews and observation, that many of these women’s rights advocates often emphasize the “knowing your rights as a woman” aspect of their supposedly awareness and/or education campaigns, leaving out the other side of the coin, responsibility. It must be noted that rights and responsibilities go hand-in-hand---two sides of the same coin.

And so, after securing a few dollars in donors’ funding, they head for rural communities with this message: “Gender equity and equality is about us and our time to reverse all forms of discriminations that are being perpetrated against us.”  A resultant effect of this has been a deeply-entrenched sense of vengeance nurtured by those fed with such messages, especially those who have experienced various abuses in their individual male-dominated communities, either culturally or traditionally. It has birthed a sharp increase in domestic violence perpetrated again women, especially in the rural parts of the country.

The reason is simple: when these rights campaigners hit the towns and villages, they prefer calling a meeting of all-women, excluding the men from the exercise. Following such meetings, a bulk of these women are bent on a ’50-50’ style in exercising their rights as women in the home, forgetting that with those rights, go equal responsibilities. As a result, there is mounting disrespect in their individual homes; a factor leading to more acts of violence and abuses perpetrated against them.

What these so-called women’s rights advocates are failing to acknowledge is that this was NEVER a gender war.  Already, for die-hard African men, such gender mentality among women “is a gross disrespect for their customs, religious and traditional practices, because women are being made to challenge us in everything and at all levels”. 

Naturally, in their effort to change things---and overnight, at that---women have been catching hell, getting flogged, because none of these ‘advisors’ bothers to tell them that they cannot just start doing anything they want without realizing that there will be an equal and opposite reaction from the men who are just as determined to keep their power and control in the home---especially opposite their spouses. Do these so-called women’s right advocates bother to tell their female listeners that the process will take time; and that they might need to be taught how to go about doing whatever they hope to start doing in the home to become involved in decision-making (bringing in new ideas and suggestions about what might be the better thing to do in a given situation)?   

Anonymous sources interviewed by me recently stated that: “all these women’s rights advocates coming to our towns and villages to educate us about our rights seem to be impacting wrong messages about how our rights should be protected, respected, upheld and adhered to. For instance, they tell us that if a woman says “No” to her husband [if she refuses to accept his overtures in bed for sex] and he subsequently makes her do it, that is ‘tantamount’ to rape.

“That, in itself, is creating serious problems for us, the women, in this place. This is because most women are refusing to have anything to do with their husbands without providing cogent reasons for refusal, something that has the propensity of leading to severe violence. And this is mainly because, these women’s rights advocates come here and tell us that if our rights are violated by our husbands, we should report to Government and Government will fight for us.”

Our sources further indicated: “These advocates are forgetting that every right goes with a responsibility. If they just leave us with the impression that we, too, have the right to speak when our husbands do, without educating us on how to exercise that particular right, we fall into trouble. We get beatings at all time.

“Take for instance; in some homes these days, women are increasingly becoming disrespectful to their partners as it relates to decision-making in the home. As soon as the man talks, the woman will just get up and begin to shout, while displaying a rude behavior---something that not only angers the man, but provokes him into engaging the woman physically.”

Our sources continued: “as a result of such one-sided advocacies about rights, rights and rights; most women feel this is their time to retaliate against all the deprivations, discriminations, and abuses they have suffered at the hands of men. They feel the time has come for them to express themselves against any violation of their rights and dignity.

“Yes, but remember, every right goes with a responsibility. If you do it with its corresponding responsibilities, you will be on the positive side, but rudely, your action will constitute (represent, amount to) an affront to your partner who also deserves every degree of respect, honor and above all, love. It becomes dangerous since these women, as a result of rights advocates’ ‘advice’, step outside their boundaries with deep-seated hatred for their husbands and other male counterparts in their communities by committing reciprocal acts of vengeance---an act that could set in motion a downward spiral of violence spurred (encouraged) on by the need to pay-back that often leads to more violence.”

It is important to note that the imperatives of taking gender issues seriously in enabling societies to be more caring, prosperous and stable cannot be overemphasized. Gender, again, is multi-dimensional, influencing economic, political and social interactions.

This makes the role of both men and women’s participation in decision-making a significant issue to be seriously considered. But, if you think the concept of gender equity and equality is being terribly perceived by most Liberian [and African] men, then try the very women themselves, the so-called equity and equality crusaders of the women’s world.

NB: Gender is NOT about biological differences but about the social roles and relations between men and women, including who does what and how decisions are made. Understanding what gender actually is, involves understanding power, how it is used and shared.