Girlfriend or Wife Material?

  

On my way downtown a few days ago, I jumped into a cab in time to catch one of the main points of a heated debate among my fellow passengers---men mainly: why most men are finding it extremely difficult to find a single, childless woman to marry these days in Liberia.

     

The man in the front seat, who looked very tense, contended that “These days in Liberia, it is becoming increasingly difficult to find a woman to marry.”

     

As though that was same thought on minds of the other passengers, one of them soon opened up and said, “That’s exactly the fact! Finding a woman without a child is so difficult these days. Every one of them I have come across either has a child or two. Some even have up to four fatherless children.”

How does that translate into “trouble” for women?  The men are becoming afraid of shouldering the expenses of another man’s offspring, as the conversation went, and so, in the end, the chance of a single mom to start a new life in a fresh relationship comes with new difficulties and disappointments. Some might be lucky to succeed, though.  What actually ends up happening is that most single moms become victims of such circumstances and are regarded only fit to be a mistress, not a wife.

In the Liberian context, many times we assume that men are of course aware that a single mother, too, is looking for a husband, never wishing to be someone’s mistress forever. But what happens when that man she has longed to settle down with gets engaged to a different woman who he now chooses to support, just within months of dating the single mom?  Think about it.

But it also speaks to the reality that some men do not take responsibility for their actions.  Many of them evade their obligations of financial or emotional support for the woman (or women) they have gotten pregnant. In the end, you have so many young women battling life as single moms; fending for themselves and their children. But the ugliest part now is that their chances of securing a committed relationship, i.e. marriage, remain slim at best.   

Regarding the children, well, Liberia now has a law against persistent non-support for children. Under the 2011 Children’s Law, a man may not “freely father” as many children he wants, with different women, without shouldering the legal responsibilities for them. He must be financially fit as well to help raise them. So let those men beware! 

The law is not without loopholes.  Some men are very smart at evading this law, even in the most heartless way.  There is a man I know of, who goes about impregnating young women that are ignorant of their rights as abandoned mothers and persuade these women to surrender their new-born children as “economic orphans”, due to these living parents' lack of financial means to raise and educate them.  The poor girls, themselves uneducated, helpless, ignorant and irresponsible, send their children to the orphanage, relieve themselves and the man of parental responsibility.  

By 2009, just before he was accused, confessed and jailed, awaiting trial for rape, he already had two children adopted in the United States by American parents and several more with other women who depended on other people for support, refusing to give up their children to orphanages.  In a nutshell, this man had found his loins and cunning attitude to give himself a sustainable side-hustle – not quite a living, thank God! 

Overseas adoptions, as they are called, are a highly lucrative business around the world, especially in Africa, Asia and Eastern Europe.  Depending on the child's country of origin, race, age and other factors, some foreign adopting parents pay not less than US$30,000 (Thirty Thousand United States Dollars) per child.  Many are “re-adopted”, if you will, to other adopting parents in the USA and elsewhere.  What is sad is that these children usually never see or hear from their biological parents again.  Many grow up with lost identities and spend the rest of their adult lives trying to find out where they come from. 

The two children now in the USA that are born to that unscrupulous fellow, were adopted through a well-known orphanage that later went out of business when President Ellen Johnson Sirleaf issued an executive order halting overseas adoptions.  A third child from him was in process when the executive order took effect, closing this terrible loophole. 

Pardon the digression, but these are some of the related – but very unexpected – issues of grave concern that arise especially among young women in our society.  

The 2011 Children’s Law mandates the Ministry of Health and Social Welfare to act as a mediator in child support cases, especially in cases of persistent non-support.  Liberia is one of the first countries to adopt comprehensive legislation for children. Under the Law, schooling is mandatory for children. If taken seriously and forcefully implemented, the 2011 Children’s Law of Liberia stands as an excellent tool to ensure the rightful upbringing of the Liberian child.

We invite you to tell your story. Even if you choose to be anonymous, your story can help to inspire other single moms out there. You can also share your thoughts about the topic under discussion for our reading audience. Send your stories to nabiefofana@gmail.com.