Selective Feminism

It has always been 'my money is MY money, but his money is OUR money'

Your husband earns and so do you. But do you share the financial responsibility in the home? Most Liberian women – employed or not – are perceived to always be at the receiving end. Even in the home, full-time professional women, fully armed with purchasing power (money), will still sit and wait for the man to foot all the family’s expenses. No small help?!!

I know a professional woman who does nothing financially in the home. When she takes pay, she banks her money. The only time she spends her cash is when she’s ready to shop for the latest textile in town.

Here’s what a husband once told me:

I lived with my wife in New Jersey, USA. When she first arrived, she knew only one trade: braiding hair. I tried to have her employed by a close friend of mine. She began working there and would make up to $650 per week from braiding. But she would always come home with a frown on her face; whenever I inquired, she would tell me there was no business and so she made nothing for herself. I would then be pressed to split my meager income of $1,500 into two and gave her half. Besides, I was the one paying all of the bills, including food. Moreover, she would never let me breathe in the home if I didn’t send something (cash) back home (Liberia) to her family. Everything she earned was meant for her and her only.  This continued for like a year, until one day when her boss, my friend, came to pay us a visit. While at the dinner table and hopping from one topic to the other, my friend said to me “…don’t you see that your wife is doing well? She’s very hard working and so she’s able to earn for herself at least $650 per week.” She couldn’t defend herself but only bowed her head in shame. That was how I came to terms with the hard fact that I had been living with a liar for a year. This development eventually resulted to separation because I felt insulted and felt that I could no longer trust her.

Well, this tends to turn the whole gender equity debate into something of a fiasco, as women have fighting for all of the equal rights in all spheres, but not for the right to equal-spending in the home. After all, isn’t ‘equality’ what women all around the world have been fighting for?

In Liberia, I have seen women proactively arguing for gender equity. They have, over the years, embarked on a struggle aimed at affirming their identities while, at the same time, doing all they can to transform societal, cultural or traditional notions or perceptions of their gender role.

We have also heard countless rants about how they are entitled to have careers just like their spouses.  They have decried decades of societal crises as victims of maternal and infant mortality, continued relegation to hard labor when it comes to agriculture and other inequities.

As a way of emancipating themselves from these barriers, they have committed themselves, through revolutionary activities, to correct or reverse these disparities and forge new social relations.

But why do these same women hide behind the common excuse that the African tradition has made the man the automatic head of the home? It is always “My money is MY money, but his money is OUR money.” So, isn’t it justifiable for women, too, to contribute financially alongside their husbands when given the liberty to work and earn just as their male counterparts?

When a husband and wife both take on the role of breadwinners in a family, then the question of how much each should contribute financially begins to emerge. In fact, the question as to whether a working couple should share the financial burden equally does seem to have become a serious source of conflict and at times has led to a break-up.

This is why I sometimes think this whole gender equity advocacy gets too selective along the way. On one hand women are freed from the pressure to perform traditional household duties like cooking and cleaning; and yet they are unwilling to share other responsibilities---financial responsibility or “outdoor” work, traditionally a man’s job.

I believe that the total responsibility of the house should be shared equally and that both partners have to come to an understanding about what each person feels more comfortable doing. It’s not what one partner does, but how much she/he does is that counts. This is because if a woman is earning and the man is sharing the household chores equally with her, it makes sense that her salary be considered a part of the joint income.

So, women, if we want equality, it has got to be equality in full; not half way.