Mothers

I have met quite a few unhappy young women who are living with emotionally abusive mothers. Feeling so miserable, some have continued to wonder why their own mothers would decide to treat them like strangers. Others, too, have said that they always have heavy heart because they don't know why their mothers are competing with them. I, personally, find this ridiculous. But it's real. It's happening in this world of ours. I find it extremely difficult to understand why a mother that suppose to love her children be emotionally abusive to them.

We are often reminded of the priceless nature of a mother's love. No amount of money, gifts or whatsoever, we are told, can pay a woman for boring us. We are even told that besides that of God, there is no other love greater than that which a mother can give to her children. We are made to imagine how our lives would be without a mother to cheer our hearts; guide our first steps; open our eyes to the wonders of this world and support all of our caprices. We are challenged to imagine our development in our mothers' wombs to the day they bore us, because in that way, we will come to realize that, for their part, they have never failed in letting us know how important and precious we are to their lives. 

Indeed, our mothers do love us naturally. Out of love, some mothers would go the extra mile to challenge their daughters to accomplish everything that they (mothers) didn't have a chance to accomplish during their youthful age. I know a semi-lettered mother who has done everything possible to see her daughter climb high on the educational ladder. This mother has worked as a house-help in different homes in their neighborhood only to see her daughter move from one level to the other academically.  And she always did something special for the girl whenever she became the top of her class. At one point, the girl dux the entire school and this mother did laundry for people in the community to raise money to throw a party for her daughter.

But then again, on the other side of the coin, (with no offense to mothers) there are others who become so selfish that they even desire to live an extended live through their daughters. How can you love your daughter, if you want to live her life and not yours? Remember, you've already been there and now it's time for her to walk her road without you interfering.  They force their daughters to do what they (mothers) want. The girls don't live a life of their own but that of their mother. If that doesn't happen, these mothers become mentally, verbally and physically abusive.

Sadly, there are also some mothers who discriminate when it comes to the love they give to their children. They pick among their children which one to love the most and which one to bully at all times. In most families the distinction is clear: the oldest child is the one who bears the brunt of insults, shouting and (sometimes) humiliation; with the youngest, especially the last born, always being showered with praises and boundless love. In some families, the line is so clearly drawn that you may wonder if that child actually belongs there biologically. But in some families, you hardly notice such division in terms of the love flowing from the mother to the children.

I recently met a friend of mine terribly weeping. When I inquired why, I was told that she was put in that mood by her mother. After several fruitless attempts at getting her to calm down, I became very much interested in knowing the root cause of her sadness.

“My mother never appreciates whatever I do for her. I'm the oldest of six children. But she never makes a mistake to cheer me from the time I've known myself. It really hearts my heart. Worse of all, she resorted to bullying these days, whenever I am around her. For instance, I sometimes crave the feel of a motherly love. On such occasion, I dare not call or have an in-person interaction with my mom. She will find a way to bully and kill my spirit,” she narrated.

But then why do some mothers chose which child to love the most and which one to subject to constant bullies? The story is also told of a girl who mercilessly beat her mom in the market simply because she could no more condone her mother's aggravating attitude. According to eyewitnesses, the girl was the oldest of the children and so she was tasked with the responsibility of making sure that the family is sustained. In the end, the girl had no other way out but to roam the streets as a woman with easy virtue in order to fulfill that assignment given her by her mother. Unfortunately, it was this same mother who would go out into her gossip corners to tell others in the neighborhood that her daughter was doing nothing in live but prostituting herself. Is that part of a mother's love? After their gossip sessions, the very people she told would use that to humiliate the girl in public, and then telling her that “we were told by your mom.” When she felt she could no longer take, he grabbed her mom and beat her.

In fact, there are some mothers who actually compete with their daughter over fashions, relationships, or men. Such mothers are sick, but don't know it. But that's a different topic by itself. Why refuse to live your lives, not that of you daughters? I'm not trying to put anyone down, but if you have this problem with your daughters, you should go get mental health help, so you can get back on the right track of living in your adult element and not in your children’s element. The mothers that have this problem may not see the damage they're doing, to their relationships with their daughters, and by the time they realize it; it might be too late to repair the damage that's already been done. If this is you, mother, you need to grow up and stop being so selfish with your daughter, better yet, sit down and act your age for once in your life.