Family Operation

On my way downtown a few days ago, I jumped into a cab in time to catch one of the main points of a heated debate among my fellow passengers---men mainly: ‘who’ brings ‘what’ home financially and how the home dynamics could and often changes because of an increase or decrease in income earned by one spouse or the other.

The man in the front seat contended that trouble starts as soon as the woman begins to earn more and starts contributing a bit more toward the family’s upkeep: meals, school fees, hospital and other routine expenses. And how does that translate into “trouble?” The woman becomes “full of herself,” as the conversation went, and soon finds it necessary to take her case on the road; that means, announcing to as many in the community interested in other people’s affairs, what a great ‘breadwinner’ she is.

And the poor husband? You guessed it: all of a sudden, a “good for nothing who no longer brings anything home,” as the wife’s story would go. Needless to say, the poor fellow soon finds himself a bit less that the ‘man’ in the house that he used to be. Next thing, his self-confidence begins to drop. 

A fellow in the back of the cab saw nothing wrong with the wife ‘blowing her own horn’ for shouldering more responsibilities than her husband did. “Don’t you know that some men leave or run away from women who do not help with the family’s finances,” he asked? “That woman is the kind of woman I want to marry: one who brings money home---lots of money! Am I fool to waste my time behind these Monrovia girls here who have nothing to do but ‘kill’ themselves over the latest fashion?”

    
INSTITUTION

But the wife’s tacky (in bad taste) behavior aside, how many women do live up to their part of the bargain: doing all they can to earn more---not to mention actually bringing their share to the table rather than spending it all on themselves.  For instance, a sample of women recently interviewed by me in downtown Monrovia did not mince words when they said they enjoy spending hugely on their looks than [even] on a healthy diet or nutritional products.

But marriage is a remarkable romantic institution and as such, the behavior of each partner should complement the other. Both spouses are required to bring to the table a sense of oneness as an added value to this social institution. The woman should not try to avoid her financial responsibilities to the family; proclaiming that the family’s upkeep is entirely his “duty.”

   

Why not help the husband, especially if he cannot carry the burden alone, in a changing world in which an additional source of income can only generate strength and stability of the family?

CATEGORIES OF FAMILIES

When discussing the operation of a family, three categories of families come into play:

• A family in which the man is the sole household financial provider;
• A family in which the woman is the sole breadwinner;
• A family in which both spouses are gainfully employed ---either self-employed in the informal sector or are a professional couple.  

In the first group, the breadwinner role in the family is the man’s---serving as the main source of income for the family. He is responsible to foot all the bills including the children’s school fees. For the wife, in some cases, she is a stay-at-home mom who is expected to be the domestic engineer by default–--takes care of kids, does the cleaning, washing, dusting, cooking and other things.

      

The man could either be employed in the informal or formal sector and doing everything to ensure that the family is well sustained. He is duty-bound to go out in the morning and return in the evening with something to provide food for the next day. In a typical African setting, once there is no food, the wife and children will sit outside watching the road, with destitute looks express on their faces, to see papa come home. Once he returns with something in his hands, hope for a meal for that day and perhaps the next, is restored. 

      

The second category is one in which women are the main source of income for their families. They are tasked with the family’s entire burden, ranging from food money to seeing their kids through school. Most Liberian market women, who more times than not are single moms, fall naturally into this category. In this group, most men rely solely on their wives for financial support. Even if their women try to get them involved in petty business, it usually does not work.

 “I made enough money from my cigarette sale. I always wanted my husband, who is doing nothing, to be in business with me so that we could easily pay rent, children’s school fees and buy our food daily. But!... whenever I gave him US$1000 to go to Guinea for slippers and other goods, he would return with only US$500  worth of goods and no explanation as to what happened to the rest of the money. And after selling the slippers, he comes up with no more than US$200 or even less. That’s how he brought me down and I ended up borrowing money for our family’s upkeep, which has landed me in heavy debt,” an aggrieved Monrovian wife told me in an exclusive interview.

     

The last group comprises those families in which both spouses are employed; the family’s upkeep becomes everyone's business. Here, scores of suggestions from some couples have it that spouses in this category should combine their salaries at the end of the month, pay their bills and save the rest in a joint bank account for a rainy day.

     

 This, they believe, will help to make easy the execution of joint family projects like purchasing land, constructing a home, footing the children’s school fees or even going on vacation. Well, it is also important for couples to have separate bank accounts to prevent confrontations over a lack of transparency or accountability. Such squabbles, related to money matters, only serve to diminish the level of trust between couples.

 A professional wife’s experience: “Immediately after our wedding, my husband proposed that we opened a joint savings account to enable us to adequately address the family's financial needs since we are both gainfully employed. I easily agreed. I had no information about the account as he was the only signatory and never allowed me to do anything in connection with the account. He took control of everything relating to that aspect of the family.

“It wasn’t until after he started making impressive    donations and pledges at various church programs or other events we attended that I became concerned. I decided to go one step further and discretely check his documents for anything relating to the account. I soon found some documents I could start with and proceeded to the bank. To my surprise, the account was far less than I expected. I was left speechless and filled with disappointment. That evening, to avoid being confrontational, I asked that I did the depositing of my share of the savings for that month. He knew what that meant and began giving me the run-around. But when I became adamant (insisted) and refused to give him the money, he admitted that he had been using monies from our joint account for his pledges and donations. At that point, I simply asked that we opened and maintained separate accounts. I told him I would still fulfill my share of responsibilities to the home.” 

Well, what’s your take on this? Do think couples should really have a combined savings account? Why? And if “not”, why not? Be a part of the conversation by e-mailing us at ffofana@liberianobserver.com